Posts tagged lol
Jordan Florit; daily views on the footballing world
The all-conquering F.A, Wayne Rooney & Mystery Letters
England will now crash out of Group D with Wayne Rooney, it has emerged. It had previously been thought that the England striker, who statistically makes England more likely to lose when playing, would miss The Three Lions weakly limp out of Euro 2012 after drawing 0-0 with co-hosts Ukraine, to register a grand total of two points.
However Rooney’s three-match ban, given out for his swift swipe at Miodrag Dzudovic’s calf, due to his frustration at his law-breaking match-fixing father, has been reduced to two.
Unsurprisingly, the seemingly intimidating figure of the F.A has yet again forced a major footballing power to back down. Having cornered FIFA with poppies on a stick and beaten them into submission, England, minus Rooney, beat Spain 1-0 whilst wearing memorial armbands with the red flower emblazoned on them. This proved to be a moral victory, as well as a rare victory, for England over a clearly stronger force.
This time the F.A used fictitious blah blah and Wayne Rooney Snr. to secure a “big result for the F.A and England.” Despite Dzudovic clearly stating that, “it is a lie that I wrote a letter of support to UEFA,” Rooney’s appeal included a written letter supposedly by Dzudovic asking that the ban be reduced. “It couldn’t be further from the truth,” said Rooney’s victim when asked if he had done such a thing; either England fixed the hearing by supplying a false document, much like Rooney’s father would fix a Scottish football game, or Wayne Rooney’s handwriting is so illegible that his letter pleading for a reduction has been mistaken for Montenegrin.
Either way, further securing a victory for England and the F.A was the X-Factor fitting sob-story of Wayne Rooney’s previous 24 hours in the build up to his red card. In a script that wouldn’t be out of place on Jeremy Kyle, the F.A considered using Rooney Snr’s arrest as a bargaining tool. Using basic playground experience, his argument would have run similar to this: “My dad made me angry so I kicked that foreign fella.”
Continuing the weird set of events was the eventual decision - Wayne Rooney’s ban has been reduced to a two-game ban and the third game has been suspended for four years - possibly the most bizarre and prolonged punishment ever witnessed in football. While Rooney will be 30-years old, probably an alcoholic and part of Harry Redknapp’s World Cup squad of drunkards, criminals and Tottenham players, by the time his third game ban expires, it can be activated before then if Rooney is dismissed in Europe again. Luckily for Rooney, this is only when on international duty for England and dismissed by result of a red card, otherwise his dismissal from Europe by Basel would have sufficed.
Much like when any player of any considerable merit hits the headlines for the wrong reasons, every other fan, player and manager has something to say about it. “It’s a bit strange,” bleated a jealous Scot, “(the F.A) are supposed to be setting an example.”
The said jealous Scot is Kenny Dalglish and he was probably one of four people in the game that shouldn’t have entered a discussion on “setting an example.” Along with Blatter, Terry and Suarez, Dalglish questioning a point of authority for standing by its man, is a tad short-sighted. Whilst questioning exactly what type of example the F.A are setting, Dalglish continues to set an example of double-standards, supporting the racist one-finger saluting Luis Suarez, who according to Gus Poyet is entitled to say what he likes and blame it on culture, “England needs to understand how the rest of the world lives. If someone is fat we (Uruguayans) call them fat boy, if someone has a big nose we call them big nose and if someone is black we call them negro.”
“Poland and Ukraine is that way son.”
Written by Jordan Florit for www.maycauseoffence.com/ For more articles visit my website or my Twitter @JordanFlorit
Kean to Flatter to Deceive
Steve Kean has talent, shocking I know but he does. Anyone that manages to stay in a Premier League job despite only seven Premier League wins in a year must have some ability, some working faculty, that has managed to trick Venky’s into keeping them. He has continuously flattered to deceive.
Flattering to deceive - complimenting someone or something by pointing out their good features in order to allow them comfort around you, thus enabling you to con them.
How many lies does Kean tell per interview? Answer is in the picture
Despite his deception never lasting very long, it somehow still manages to occur and flatters meanwhile. Kean was originally hired until the end of last season to “prove his abilities,” as a Venky’s owner with apparently no definition of “ability” stated. However, the contract was offered two months later after 10 points from 18, including three of Steve Kean’s seven Premier League victories to date. The run of form that saw Kean earn himself a contract until 2013 was arguably just; he’d accumulated a win ratio of 50%. However, come the end of the season, Kean had only won a further three Premier League games and he now sits on a win ratio of under 20% averaging one point a game. That 6 match ability-proving run was nothing more than Kean flattering to deceive.
A year on, Steve Kean has managed to continually flatter to deceive in various guises. His post-match interviews are cringe-worthy and whilst fans cannot help but inanely grin wondering how this man is still in a job, the various Indian businessmen lap it up and apparently, according to Mr. Flatteringly Deceiving, “the owners have backed (him) and the players are totally behind what (Blackburn) are trying to do.” Unfortunately, despite Kean telling more lies than a pathological liar anonymous meeting, this was a true statement. It came in the wake of his reviewed contract and Kean received a pay rise. I can only presume this was in result of a successful trading period for Venky’s or the countless times Kean has sucked up to the owners.
So, when Kean stated on Tuesday afternoon that his team, “have got a good tie and scoring goals on the road,” I was deceived once more. His flattery was impeccable as he delivered the lies with a toothy grin and the lighting delicately bouncing off his head created an air of honesty. Talking up his side’s chances was expected. I am yet to see a manager actively advocate a performance of abysmal proportions, prior to a game. However, his flattering statement, “we’re scoring goals on the road,” was ultimately nothing more than window dressing; Blackburn, in 8 away games, have accumulated a goal difference of minus 10, conceding 17 times.
Having listened to Steve Kean talk of a, ”competition that (Blackburn) want to go all the way in,” before stating that he was, “confident (Blackburn) can go and get a result,” I was easily sold. I looked at their run of fixtures and thought, “Kean will want to win this and kick start their season in time for a run of winnable results.” I was deceived by his flattery, the charmer.
I imagine his charm wooed the Scottish lasses during his “playing” days
Blackburn were dismembered to epic proportions by a Cardiff team made to look like Hannibal Lecter. Having harboured small dreams of success for Rovers, fuelled by Kean’s self-interested propaganda, I was mildly upset when I saw he had sold his own fans down the river. “We have forfeited going through and having the chance to reach a cup final,” said Steve Kean in the wake of his side’s 2-0 loss to the Championship’s 3rd placed Cardiff City and seemingly foreseeing a season-defining change in form that would be needed to dispose of either Manchester City, Crystal Palace or Liverpool in the semi-final, whilst he was at it. His comments came less than 24 hours after he had signaled his ambition for the club to reach the final of the cup. This may be a record for Kean; a one day cycle of flattery that preceded the deception and the murky realisation the smarmy Glasswegian had lied.
While his choice of reason may have been just, “(Blackburn) have games against sides within touching distance in the league and we need to treat those games as cup finals,” his ever-constant unchanging trait of flattering to deceive, not only conned the 1000-or-so fans that crossed the border to Wales to see their team half-heartedly run round a pitch, but it was unnecessary too.
Mancini was clearly as distracted by the annual fixture congesting cup, expressing that he thought it was mad and unfair to expect Manchester City to play Arsenal just two days after playing Liverpool. ”We should play with 11 young players. Maybe 14 or 15 years old to make a statement,” said the again scarf donning Italian, “it is not right but we’ll go there and try to win it, of course.” That is where the two managers differ, one lied outright to his fans stating his aim to reach the cup final and consummately dispose of his Welsh opposition and the other one aired his grievance and then declared his intention to get on with it.
Next year’s Manchester City Carling Cup side
With words of expectation chucked in the air by Kean for Blackburn fans to inhale and intoxicate themselves with, the expectation of a win came with an expectation of a relatively strong side. Instead, Kean dropped his ‘keeper and 3 of his 4 defenders, as well as others, including Yakubu. With words of condemnation filtered through Mancini’s interview for Manchester City fans to hear and repeat to all that may fear Wenger’s youth might have snatched a win, the expectation of a weakened side but a desire to win came across. Blackburn lost and Manchester City won. Kean made eleven changes and Blackburn were outplayed. Mancini carried through his ideas and only Nasri from Sunday’s starting XI started. One lied and one stayed true to his word.
He continuously flatters to deceive and unfortunately for Blackburn, as well as the rest of English football, he looks as if he will remain at Ewood Park for the foreseeable future; not only has he recently received a pay increase on his existing contract, but he claims he has been given a January transfer kitty to splash. Let’s hope for the fans’ sake it isn’t on journeymen or Robert Pires.
Written by Jordan Florit for www.maycauseoffence.com/ For more articles visit my website or my Twitter @JordanFlorit
Name me as the successor in the summer
Harry Redknapp has told the F.A not to announce him as the successor to Fabio Capello until after he has won the Premier League 11/12 campaign with Gareth Bale, Adebayor and Van der Vaart.
“It’s very difficult for the FA to choose another manager if he’s already working, It wouldn’t be fair to the club. You can’t do it during the season,” chin-wobbled Redknapp. Having seemingly suffered a bout of memory loss when in hospital for his heart surgery, Redknapp continued to forget his team’s name, simply calling them a club,“to give it to someone who’s working at a club is unfair to the club he works for.”
Redknapp will take the reigns in July 2012, having seen his country finish 3rd in Group D behind France and Sweden who will both defeat The Three Lions 1-0.
